Losing Larimar

"Intuitive sources say that Larimar strengthens feminine energies, facilitating control of emotions without repression.  It is beneficial for those under stress who are trying to balance many elements at once; cooling fiery energy, soothing anger and bringing gentle joy.  It is also said to activate the throat chakra, allowing for expression of one's inner wisdom."

Over Christmas, Vanessa and I did a little shopping in Madison and had to stop at the "Rock Shop".  I am actually not sure of its actual name, but that is what I have been calling it ever since.  This shop is full of all different healing stones made into bracelets, necklaces, pendulums, rings, etc.  Or you can just buy chunks of huge rocks as decoration.  The shop just has this healing energy within it and once you go in - you want to stay...and certainly buy as many healing stones as you can!

Anyway, when we were there, I found this necklace that just sort of "spoke to me"....NO! it did not actually call out to me and say, "Sam - over here!  Buy me!"  But there was something about it that said to me that THIS was the ONE.  It was a Larimar necklace.

When I read the little card that went with it, it WAS the one for me!  And those elements of its rock strength were just what I was needing at the time.

I love that song by Katie Perry "Roar".  It reminds me to find and hold onto my voice.  It takes me back to sitting in the gazebo out east with my sister, JJ soon after Hunter was born.  She was listening to me cry and talk about where I was in my life (which was a rather mousey and unhappy place - hello, postpartum blues??) and what I was struggling with and she just looked at me and said, "SAM! You have to find that tiger in you!"  Thus, the tiger tail tattooed on my arm within the flowers (my tattoo tribute to my family).  It's this reminder to me that in all I do for them and the love I give selflessly and unconditionally to them, to always know myself and have a voice and within all that giving, to be true to me and recognize the tiger in me- to always know the tiger strength in me.

So, this stone was certainly for me!  And I have been wearing it since Christmas, meditating on its meaning and how that has been opening into my life.  I loved that it was about bringing gentle joy into my life, something that I have kind of been waiting for since we moved.  I love that it encouraged balance while in a time of stress - something I have been feeling and opened my throat chakra to speak my truth in a way that had conviction and strength - not a wimpy, complaining way, but rather, this is ME - hear ME- honor that part in ME.

And I have to say, that this stone felt really, really good to me and I wore it all the time.

And then.....
There I was in the shower (with Katie and Ben...Really? what are those showers like to only wash your own hair!?) and I heard a "CHINK" and watched my beautiful power stone bounce once on the shower floor and to then disappear down the drain.  I did my best to grab it, because I knew what that chink sound was when I heard it!  It was like it paused at the drain to say this one last farewell before it disappeared forever.

So there I was left with this empty necklace.  Katie looked deeply into my eyes and said she was sorry this had to happen.  And it was within her words that replayed in my mind - sorry, this HAD TO HAPPEN- that I started to reflected that perhaps this was the life force around me telling me that I no longer NEED this stone.

That stone could have fallen out anywhere!  It could have fallen into my shirt and I would have done what anyone else would have done....glued it back in!  But it literally was washed away!

I have to admit, I definitely feel naked without it and find myself over and over again reaching up to my neck with my hand to touch it or rub its smooth surface to find nothing there.  But I also have to admit, that I also believe something from that stone was planted in me and its meaning now lives within me.

I do feel like I have greatly grown since Christmas - I believe that we truly are what we think about and I have to remind myself of that A LOT, certainly when I am thinking negatively and allowing these dark clouds to hover over me instead of concentrating on being a bright shining white light.  To concentrate on what the meaning of what Larimar means for all that time has gifted me with the power of that stone.

I would have never taken that necklace off on my own - I don't think I would have ever felt "ready".  And having it wash down the drain was like this message...you ARE ready.  THIS is part of you now.  Step forth into your life knowing what you have asked for is truly now part of you.  You no longer need this stone for its gentle power now resides in you.  So, I'll just take this stone back.  And literally, back to the Earth it went.

Getting fixed

This is Marley, one of our favorites! He is on his way to get fixed for $10! He is our only male and there are a lot of females around, including his sisters! And we do not need any more cats and kittens around the house. We actually had attempted to take him over to the ranch. And he stayed there for about 1 week until he showed up back at the house! He's so sweet, like this is his home and no matter where we take him, he will just return.

The biggest stink

The kids had voice and music lessons on Friday. We found out that one of the boys that lives at the house we have lessons at was taking care of these pigs at a pig farm. One of the female pigs had just had piglets and he asked if we wanted to go and see them. Of course, we said yes, not really knowing what we were getting into!

Before we went in, the boy was telling us how much it stinks. Now I think I can say I pretty much know about stink! Between all the poop I stand in, the smell of the ranch in general, and the stink of the dogs rolling in dead cows and other disgusting things, I think I know a good stink when I smell it.

But nothing compares to the stink of a pig farm!

It was pretty cool to see the male pigs. They are enormous!  And then there were the moms who were still nursing and all of their little piglets. Then there were the brand newborn piglets and they were so tiny and sweet!

The whole operation sort of seemed inhumane to me. Not that I know anything about raising pigs, but the mother pigs who are still nursing are kept in this small area that is maybe 5 by 5 feet. They have an area where they are locked in where they can only stand and eat and drink water. The floor area, which looks more like a cage, is on grates so all of their poop and pee goes underneath.  The boy said that when these newest piglets were born, one of the babies had two legs stuck in the grates and later died.

Okay. So let's talk about the smell. They have to heat the pig barn. The males need it at about 60 degrees, however the females need it warmer and it is kept at about 70. So it is like heating up all of their poop and pee and the smell is pretty atrocious!

We finally got outside and walk around a bit. Even the outside stinks but not as bad as being in the barn.

So, we are driving home and I could not get rid of the stink even though all the windows were down. You know sometimes how when you have to clean up something that stinks, like puke or the cat litter, that smell just sits in your nose and you cannot get it out. I thought perhaps that was what was happening. That is until I smelled my sweatshirt in my hair and realized that it was us who stunk!

By the time we got home, I was just about dry heaving and was yelling at me to stop talking about how much we stunk. When we went into the house, everybody stripped down and got in the shower while I washed all our clothes.

No pigs at Tate Farms that is for sure!!

We're home!

It's great to be back to the blue skies and the Utah sun. Yes....I still think I want to retire in St. Simmons Island and be a waitress or cleaning lady or something, however, is always good to get home.

We are in the thick of calving season. Scott actually slept in his truck at the ranch last night baby sitting. There was one little guy born to a heifer and she just did not get what to do. Scott said he was getting so pissed at her because, after he got her head in the head catch, he would have to milk her and then give that bottle to the calf. But the heifer kept swinging it's tail, soaked in after birth, and flicking him in the face!

I hate to admit it.... but I am kinda glad it wasn't me getting flicked!

Anyway, Scott is a little zombie-ish today!

Little piece of weirdness

Some treasures from the beach