Oh yah baby!

Our new ride

So the kids and I are sitting at this guys house in SLC while Scott and this stranger are at the bank getting the title for the car. Now Scott just called me to tell me that him and this strange man are headed to his mom's house to get something else related to the title. Weird. Not to mention the guy was telling us we could go into his house and use the bathroom but that he just ran out of toilet paper this morning....WAY too much information. And although Kate and I have to go, I think we will hold it!

Little white dot

That little white dot you see is home sweet home.

Meet Smudge...once known as Snowflake

Meet Squeak

Meet Cream

Making friends

Unloading windows

Snorty checking out my new phone!

Comin' in hot

You want to know what fills up my week? Mixing up hummingbird sweet water! But they sure love it. The most we have seen there at one time is twelve. Pretty amazing!

Katie and her basket of eggs -

Just cannot seem to get her out of her soccer socks these days!

Update on the rescue chickens

You think those baldy chickens butts look bad...u should have seen them when we first got them!

The right place

Well, if there was ever any question that we were in the right place - I have just received confirmation!!

So let me first explain that I think red-tail hawks are completely amazing, beautiful, a symbol of strength & determination.  Their ability to sit, calm & still, waiting for the perfect "moment" to capture their prey, their peaceful movement in the sky, the focus held in their eyes, the power and directness of each and every movement continues to astound me.  They are just totally "in the moment".  Something I am working on daily.

We have numerous hawks that live around here.  We actually have a whole nest at the base of our new driveway.  Every morning as we are flying down the dirt road of Log Canyon headed into town, one sits perched on top of the electrical wire saying Good Morning to us.  I love hearing the kids call out the window, "Good Morning Favorite!"  or "Hello, Mrs. Friendly!"  Those are their names...Mr. & Mrs. Favorite and Mr. & Mrs. Friendly.  Mostly, though, I love that our kids notice them, truly see their beauty and shout it out!

I have already decided that my next tattoo (when and if that ever comes) will be a hawk.  They speak to me silently, assuring me that my choices are headed in the right direction, insist that I stick with something and see it through or merely remind me of the beauty and magic that surrounds us: the glory in all things.

The other afternoon I can hear the kids yelling for me to come outside.  There is something I have got to see.  Now - let me just say - this happens A LOT.  There are cool orange beetles, Hunter is a pro at catching toad lizards (that's what they look like and I have no idea of their real name!) they built this awesome new fairy house, someone picked a giant dirty booger that is a world record - you get what I am saying.  So, I was rather sloooooow in my exit.

Come to find out there was a hawk that had landed on the house.

Now this got me thinking about what THAT could possibly mean.  A welcome?  What were the kids thinking about?  The hawk landed, sat for a few seconds, looked at the kids then flew off.
We all thought that was super cool.

AND THEN....
the next morning I am sitting on the 2nd story deck talking to my mom on the phone.  The dog is laying on the deck, resting her head on the base of the railing, as though she is too lazy to hold it up while she looks out into the field for something to chase.  Her eyes are slowly blinking and any minute she is about to drift off.

Suddenly - out of nowhere - a hawk is there in front of me, wings outstretched, sitting on the railing, looking right at ME!  It looks at me, I look at him and then he flies off.  I am not kidding when I say he was within 4 feet of me.  A wild hawk.  On the deck.  Looking at me.  

Now what does THAT mean!!??

If ever the universe was telling me something, I have to say that I believe it was at that moment.  I felt like that hawk took a part of me as it flew off.  It was as though he came to claim a part of me, here, in my new Utah life.  He looked right into me, into my truth and what makes up who I am, and just took that moment and acknowledged me and that we were here together.  WOW.  It was amazing.  Words could never capture the freedom & awe I felt at that moment.

And then I picked my mouth up off the deck!!!

Hello?

I was thinking (and hoping) we might have a few more "followers". Mom? Dad & Jenifer? Sisters? Soul sisters? Anyway, it's easy to do...
Things are good. All the windows just got delivered so now we know a semi can make it up and down and up the road! Wa-hoooo!

Soccer - BOOM!

I thought signing the kids up for soccer might be a great way for them to meet some new friends and start getting to know people around town.  It seems like, again, things are rather relaxed, but we figured it all out, got shin guards for everyone and shoes & socks for Katie - with one day notice.

We had to drive north to get these items and on the way I told Katie she had her first practice tonight.  Of course, her first response was that she was so nervous, gets quiet, says again how nervous she is, more quiet....then change of subject.

As she is trying shoes on at the sporting goods store, I can see that she is getting a little excited.  Maybe its the shoes.  Maybe the pink socks.  The shin guards - who knows.  So she gets both shin guards on and puts on her new shoes - does a fake kick - and says, "Soccer.  BOOM!" and smiles from ear to ear!

Need less to say, after we got home tonight she must have said 8 times how much she loves soccer.

Hunter and Ben were both able to practice with her as well.  Ben was great at skirting around everyone and when Hunter took his hands out of his pockets, he was good and getting into it too.  I think mostly Ben just likes wearing his "chin guards"!!  

Great days...

You will all be happy to know.......

drum roll please.......

YES, I will be getting a new phone.  Just wait for all the great pics then.  I am always thinking about how beautiful it is here or what fun we are having and wanting to take a picture to share and just cannot with the phone I have now.  No more!  I am coming along, slowly but surely!!

Oh God - change....learning something new!  I suppose a new phone should not bring on anxiety about things shifting and changing, so it will be a good test of patience on my part.  My mom will be the first one to tell you trying to teach me math was a total pain and I am sure that I threw my math book onto the floor more than once.  Boy, I tell ya what....did I birth that child myself or what!!!  Sounds like Hunter?  Guess I have to take some responsibility for that!!  Anyway, my point is I just do not like being out of my comfort zone trying to navigate my way and not really knowing what I am doing.  Thus, thinking about the new phone.
But I have great tech support, don't I?

The summer is coming to a close.  I can feel it in the air as the nights grow cooler, the winds almost seems to shift into something different.  As though, the Life of things born in the Spring now are closing and the winds pick up knowing its damage is minimal to all those little growing things that are now close to their end.  It's as though it makes no difference and the wind can be center stage.  And so it just seems different.  It's nice.  The changing of the seasons is actually one change I enjoy.

The kids have finished swimming lessons.  Hunter is THE BEST diver and can even front crawl back to the side.  Katie's instructor said with bright eyes that she has "really strong legs and is quite talented" which was rather surprising to me because I never really thought of her as the swimmer of the family before.  Ben was cute as a button as he walked backwards in the pool practicing his standing back stroke!

Thank our lucky stars that each of the kids were in groups with other children their ages and we hit it off with one family and guess what?  It's official......we have Utah friends! Not just people we know, but people we really enjoy hanging out with.  And what is even greater....they like us too!

Katie and the little girl her age are two peas in a pod.  They get along great and enjoy each other's company and it's lovely to see Katie unfolding again in a social way.  I guess something I realized was how THAT was missing and then when it popped up again, it was obvious how much that fills her spirit with joy - having a friend.  She is like I am.  There are also 3 boys and so we have a crew when we get together but it is just the right mix of energy and spirit.  The mom is wonderful, fun and we just sort of click and "get" one another - which is quite refreshing.

I am hoping we do not seem like sticky boogers, but it has been loads of fun hanging out and they are certainly a family we connect with.  Yesterday, they invited us to the Young Living Farm.  Most of you do not know that they are closed on Sunday, but we had an "in" and they invited us to picnic there with them.  There is a little western town and the kids had the best time arresting each other, playing "saloon" (Hunter ALWAYS ordered whiskey - I think he has it in his head that's what cowboys drink!), rock climbing, paddle boating and all sorts of fun stuff.  Although the kids were a little melt-downish on the way home, they were glowing with the left-over joy from an awesome day!  (and might I mention Hunter slept until 730 without a peep and Katie and Ben  -  until 9am!!!)


We had a play date this morning and then all had lunch together.  After they were heading home, Katie asked me if her new friend could join us for home schooling one day.  I said I would have to talk to her mom.  Then Ben said he wanted his friend to be in his "class".  My response was if that was the case, we might as well just start our own Waldorf school out here in Utah.  And Katie goes, "MOM!  That is a great idea.  We can post it on the bulletin board!"  Can I just say that although seemingly meaningless - that statement makes us pretty close to being "locals".

OK.
Now if I have not explained this yet, here it goes.  It appears that the best and most common way to communicate things in our community and those around, it to post things on this local bulletin board. Ours happens to be right outside of the post office, but I have seen others outside the library or city offices.  There is anything  up there from an upcoming "official" events, to a thank you to the fire fighters, to an paper airplane competition at the park, to lost dogs, etc.  We even scored an awesome butter dish (something we were in need of) because apparently, you can also leave stuff there in a box marked "free".
Who knew?
And this is how people know what is going on around town.  So, when Katie says " hey mom, let's post it on the board" you know we belong here!!


On a different note -
My new school curriculum arrived today in the mail......oh yah!!  It's gonna be like Christmas.  To be honest, I was really kind of getting into a place where I was starting to fret about it.  Kind of get feeling overwhelmed, then panicked, then doubtful.  But now, I am just putting that aside.  Katie is my first born for a reason.  That girl believes in me!  And she is excited about being home schooled so I cannot help but be excited too.  Besides, I put too much pressure on myself.  Not that I am a perfectionist, I am FAR from that.  It goes back to not knowing and being in that uncertain place, however, have decided to embrace that part of this journey because I think there is something valuable for my kids to watch and learn from me figuring out and feeling my way through things.

What good comes from always having the answers?  So I am just accepting that I don't.

Anyway, we are at the park (because the internet is supa fast here).
Will it be weird when the winter rolls in and I am blogging at the picnic table at the park in my winter coat, hat & mittens???

Maybe I could post something on the bulletin board.

Something like:
Looking for a warm place to sit and blog during the winter months.  
Must have hot coffee
(well, maybe not the part about the coffee because that might narrow it down a bit).

Lots of love to all!!!

"It's easy - just pull this back, point & shoot."

Those were the words Scott left me with.
Those are my Glock shooting instructions.

So, he is back in Wisconsin right now for several days and this is the first time I have ever been alone here.  In the mountains.  Far away from all the people.  Now there are certain just regular things to worry about, like the water or the batteries not charging if it's cloudy the whole time he is gone, a squirrel coming in the back door (because it does not close properly and the dog can open and close it on her own), someone getting hurt, etc.

And then there are all the ADDITIONAL things that I - and probably only I -worry about, like having a heart attack up here in the mountains and my kids being stranded up here surviving on Ritz crackers until Scott returns.  (ok, so we had another little "this is how you dial 911" lesson yesterday.) OR then there is the wild animal fear, lately this has been a rattle snake in my bed.  (ok - there was this one time I was watching this one show about someone camping and they said you should always check your sleeping bag because the mountain snakes are always looking for a warm place to snuggle.  This is what I think about when I get into bed.) And then there is, of course, the crazy mountain man scenario.... thus, the shooting lesson.

Now, I think I have shot a gun maybe twice.  And I probably should have had a lesson on this before I needed to know and have actually done it.  Ya know, practiced a little.  Even this young mom at the pool was telling me that if we live up here in the mountains I should know how to shoot.  And then she started to tell me about bears, which was something I had not considered before, so now I have an addition to add of things to fear in the mountains....rattlesnakes, mountain lions, rabid coyotes and now bears too!!!  Oh, and add wildfires too!

The night before Scott was going to leave, we are sitting in the bedroom and he pulls out his gun (which he usually carries in his truck in case HE is attacked by the crazy mountain man I speak of).  He says he is going to leave this gun with me and I am looking at him funny wondering if this is actually going to make me feel any safer or not.  I just make this weird face, start to sweat and tell him I have no idea how to use THAT, so he walks over and says "It's easy - just pull this back, point & shoot."  (Ok, so there was a little more instruction than just that.  I gotta tell ya though, he believes in me so much more that I believe in myself!!)

Maybe that is easy if you have ever shot a gun before, but having never really done that I am visualizing this terrible scenario of the crazy mountain man quietly sneaks into the cabin at night while we are all asleep, I wake up and he is standing over me, with cat-like reflexes I punch him in the privates and dive over to my underwear drawer -this is where the gun is - I think to myself, remembering Scott's words,  "ok, this is easy", pull this back - I pull back - bullet in chamber, I point and shoot - and knowing my luck the whole thing gets jammed and I get raped and murdered thinking about how this was NOT the way things were suppose to go.

So, on my list of things to learn and conquer out here in my new Utah life is to shoot a gun - that way there ain't gonna be no crazy mountain man that stands a chance!! I will be like the rabid coyote or the mother bear protecting her cubs or the really hungry mountain lion....FEAR ME, CRAZY MAN!

On again, off again

These last couple of weeks or so, we have been on and off with our water. As my Scott and Farmer Scott are digging up and laying a new water pipe line, the old line keeps getting hit, broken and then no water. So, I will get periodic text messages or calls that say “no water until later” or “should get the water back on soon” and things like this.

So much about living here is about making do with what you have which is sometimes not what you want or expect, what you thought it would be or how it was suppose to go but all that really just does not matter!

Here are a few examples:

• Well, the water is one. There are days I have some plans to do a load of laundry and that just does not work out. Mind you, I can only do about 2 loads per day because all the electricity is solar and we do not want to run out at night. I simply do not even do wash when it is cloudy! How great is that....I look out the window at the weather of all things, it's cloudy – I smile! NO laundry.
• No dish washer. Well, I guess I am the dishwasher. Although both Katie & Hunter have to help out with it 2/3 times a week. It is a wonderful “after-supper-time” together thing we do and I love it. We just stand shoulder to shoulder, looking out the window, chatting about the day.
• No air conditioning. Now that is such a luxury to me and I was always one who was like “if we have it – we are gonna use it!” and it was on! The weather here is different. So dry that you can work up a great sweat and your clothes are dry in 30 minutes! Here's to no more of that sweaty upper lip!!
• Making friends is hard to do – no matter how old you are. There was a special event at the local park so we thought we would go as many of the area families would also be attending. We are all there hanging out and I looked over at Ben and suddenly, he was pure white. In no time, he was puking over by the garbage cans. So we left. And did not really have the chance to meet any new friends. Oh well – there will be other times I suppose. At least we were not in the middle of the event because that would have been an impression that I would not have wanted to make. “Oh....is that the new family in town whose little boy puked all over the picnic table?? I remember them!!”

Ben certainly does not mind being without water. He said to me the other morning after I told him the water was off, “That's ok, Mama. I can just go poopy outside if I need to.” And it is true – he can! I could not help but laugh.

And then made it very clear that just because you COULD does not mean that you WOULD.

There are times I get a little impatient with all this but that quickly fades away as I look out beyond the deck and there lies a mountain reaching for the blue sky, I listen to the hawks screeching to one another or look up the red rock canyon and watch the trees move as they are gently caressed by the wind. I don't know what exactly it is nor do I really care to put my finger on it because it seems then that whatever that magic is would be “under my thumb” and would just not feel the same anymore if I were to grasp it and name it. So, we just enjoy it.

There is time here – and it all just rolls into the next day or week and it all eventually gets done. Maybe not quickly, but it does get done. I think about how kids (at least the ages that ours are) do not really get the concept of time, but what they do get is the feeling of being rushed, that pressure to “hurry-up”, the overwhelming feeling of GO, GO, GO.

We stop here and as a result, we can breath here. And yes it's true, we can breathe everywhere, but it is more of the way we take the time to connect with our breathing here – if that makes sense.

Honestly, I cannot say we have found whatever we thought might have been missing before – we never really felt like something was “missing”. Besides, I do not think Life happens that way. Like all of a sudden, bells and whistles go off and that missing component hits you like a freight train and then you can say “oh, it was THIS or THAT.” But I can honestly say that something IS different. Our family unit is different here. We function differently. We can. We have made the time for it. And it is there for the taking. So we are drinking it in (and it is damn good!).

Ben & cookie

Sleeping on the deck

So the plan was to sleep on the deck but then 1 bat decided to swoop by and check us out and that was the end of that! We did have a beautiful starry night though.

Katie & simba

Always happy working with dad!

Pre - season game

This is the boys watching the packers! I think the screen is a whopping 8x8! Anything for the packers!

What is wrong with this picture???

The new water line going in

Almost 6 feet under but not really.

Something came up!!

Not a total failure.

The Coop

My little summer project.

Shep and Blackie

They are now MIA.

Our little cowgirl

Katie and Snorty-her first love!

The Wood Hollow fire

This was just the first day of burning. This fire went on to burn 50,000 acres and burned for 8 days!

Looking good!

That's the wheat!

The mother load

So, as many of you know, we recently got 6 chickens.  I like to call them our Rescue Chickens because we got them from this guy who had them all living in a dog cage and had to use an old crummy laundry basket to nest in.  And there was hardly any space for them all so they just sat there and plucked each others feathers out!  So, when Katie and Scott got there to pick them up after talking to the guy on the phone, how could we NOT take them!  One was left behind - a white one - because the neighbor was going to eat it.  Who are these people!?

Anyway, it is easy to tell them apart based on how many tail feathers they have (or don't have)!  So far, I think their names are as follows (and Scott and I had nothing to do with this naming...you guess and see if you can figure out who named them!) Goldilocks, Beauty, Bravest, Brave, Favorite, Scratchy.

Actually, Hunter came up with the first one!

So, they all seem really happy.  It is exciting for all of us to go over and see how many eggs there are.  One egg today was so big we could not even close the egg carton!

And it looks like their tail feathers are starting to grow back!

Hunters latest obsession

This is a great picture of Hunter and how he wanted to spend most of his time in Minocqua.  He was up at the crack of dawn, dressed, and standing in Scott's face in the early morning ready to go.  Just grab a couple granola bars and off they went!  And he was lucky.... he caught this small mouth bass, a large mouth bass, bluegills, perch & a war mouth.  He would stand out on the dock with his life jacket on and we would hear him from the cabin say "DAAAAAAD! Got another one!"
It was great to see his sit.
And sit quietly.
And not talk.
Remember all that time we were so worried about him NOT talking - those days are LONG gone!

Our new additions

There are nothing like kittens to make you feel happy.
We had been looking for Scaredy cat for a few days because she was getting awfully big and then when we found her, she had these three with her!  Their names are Snowball, Squeak & Cream.  They are all in a comfortable basket in the mud room snuggled up with their mama.  Each time we enter, Scaredy gives us a growl and then goes back to purring.  They look like they are just about to open their eyes!

Uncharted Waters

I was reading some Thoreau the other day - no lie - and came across a quote of his that read:
"Do not look back unless that is the direction you intend to go."


I think I really needed to hear that.  Not that I have been looking back, but I think when the future is new and different, one cannot help but look in the direction of what is familiar and find comfort there.  Usually, at this time of the year, we are back at "home" in Wisconsin, so being out here now is different and new.


I guess maybe I was looking back.  Or rather was looking for that safety & security we associate with whatever it is we consider "home" to be.  Back to that good ol' comfort zone again.


Before we left our old house (which is what we call it now and have to catch ourselves and NOT refer to it as "home" anymore) a friend of mine sent me this great text that read: "Outside your comfort zone is where your Life happens."


And life out here in Utah IS definitely happening!


Stay tuned.....

The month of July - here & gone

Towards the beginning of July, we had our horse trainer from Wisconsin come and stay at the ranch house for about 10 days.  We met her in Wisconsin and she gave lessons to both me and Katie.  During the last few weeks of June, she was let go at the barn she had been teaching at.  No terrible reason.  Just that the owners did not think she was bringing in enough business.  So, she was headed back to her home state of CO at the end of June and really had nothing going on for the first few weeks of July so we invited her out (with a little monetary motivation).


 Brit it like the big sister Katie always wanted.  


We have another horse out here that Katie has mentioned before - Cody.  Let me just say that Cody wants to be a good boy, but has no idea how to be one and therefore will just about walk right over you.  He is a big tubby guy who has no idea how big he is, like the Great Dane that wants to be a lap dog!!  So, Brit was going to work with Cody and have him be her project while Katie would work with Snorty.


We all got a lesson a day in the form of something.  Either is was a traditional 45 minute lesson in the arena (which is what we call one of the gated corrals!), a trail ride, horse sense (things like how to walk out into the pasture to get the horses), how to clean the tack, all kinds of great information.  The kids all loved her and we all had a lot of fun together.  


We were sad to see her go, but we are all grateful of the time shared together and all that we gained from her.


It was really one of the most beautiful things I have seen in Katie for a long time.  
There had been afternoons prior to Brit's arrival that Katie was truly getting frustrated with Snorty.  She wanted to ride, did not really know how to communicate that to Snorty and Snorty just wanted to eat grass.  So there the two of them would be --- she would have him all saddled up and off they would go---Katie thinking that were headed to the "arena" and Snorty heading over to the grass.  


Tears of frustration just streaming.  
I can totally get it because if and when that horse decides to go somewhere, he is gonna go!


So, of course, as the mom and wanting to undo this all, I keep asking her if she wants to be done for the day, secretly thanking the stars that aligned for Brit to arrive in a few short days.  But she refused and just stuck with it.  And she stuck with it and stuck with it.  Despite wiping those tears after she did finally get him in the corral to ride, she just kept with it!


Later, I told her how proud I was of her and she looked at me, straight in the eyes and said, "Mom, I am a horse girl now and horse girls never give up."  
AMEN to that.


So, to watch her rise above the adversity and challenge, grit her teeth and stick with it, laugh it off and let it go and simply move forward has been such a wonder to watch and something I will treasure always.  And learn from.


The first day that Brit got here, she showed Katie how to pick out Snorty's feet.  I watched Katie that morning with little to no confidence while she did it.  After Brit showed her, Katie feel right into it and by the end of the day, she was a new girl.


You want to build self confidence in those little girls of tomorrow?  
Get them into riding.
Really.


At the end of the month, we flew back to WI for our annual trip to Minonqua - in northern WI.  
We just returned from there on the 30th.
And now it is August.
Wow.

Garden update

Remember a few weeks ago when I was hoping something will come up......

RADISHES

3 TOMATOES

ONIONS

and the pumpkin, squash and cantaloup look really healthy!

I just said to Scott the other day that SOMETHING has got to come up outta this garden that we can eat. It is symbolic to me that the garden is even the tiniest bit successful.

I don't know why that should mean anything but suppose I must be superstitious.

A Great Visit

I suppose I should back up a bit and share that my dad, Jenifer and Ezell came out for a visit over Hunter's birthday. It was a lot of fun to have them all here! The fire started the after they left and then became all consuming so I have not really gotten a chance to blog about that.

Hunter turned 6 on the 24^th of June, if you can believe THAT! We wanted a do-over because that was the day we had to evacuate the horses and it was pretty intense that day. He cried for a better part of it worrying about Scott. So, later that same week we had a do-over birthday and spent the day at the city pool!

I never imagined Hunter as a little cowboy but that is most certainly what he wants to be. He continues to ask “is this what a cowboy would eat?” or “would a cowboy wear this or that?” It is pretty cute. We are never quite sure if he will wake up and want to be a cowboy that day or a ranger (the other thing he also dresses as).

Poppa Joe, Bubbie and Ezell got Hunter a couple of fancy western shirts.....yup, you know the ones that even snap and have a snap pocket on the front breast. HE LOVES THEM! He also got a cowboy hat, belt, cargo pants to match dad and – oh God, I can't believe I am going to say it.....a pair of Wranglers!!!!

AND HE LOVES IT ALL! Who would have thought a six year old BOY for that matter would only want clothing for his birthday but he was happy as a clam about it! He literally wears pants everyday. He wants to be just like Scott, go with him everywhere, wear what he wears, eat what he eats, etc. I keep telling Scott he will have to watch it because someone is always watching him!

The other day I heard Hunter singing. It was some country song, I have no idea which one, but is singing something about something being “damn rusty”. And I gently smiled and said we cannot sing that country song, or at least not that part because we are not allowed to say words like “damn”. He walked away and I just started laughing!

Sometimes, on the days when he is really feeling like a cowboy, will even “yes mam” or no mam” me! He IS rather witty!

Anyway, the week that my dad, Jeni and Ezell were here was a lot of fun. We went to Devil's Kitchen and also to Bear Canyon (where the water this year is less than half of what it was last year!)

Ezell and I got up early one day and went hiking. There really is something so serene and remarkable about hiking up in to the mountains, each step a challenge, then turning around and looking how high you have gone and the breathtaking view! It was a great hike.

I had been feeling a little panicked about things, such as the house build, how to home school and manage all these changes. Ezell and I had been hiking in silence and I had just been pondering these things and a hawk swoops over us and screeches. It was so close to us I could see its beak move. It was as though it was saying to me, “Relax. Just have some fun. Let it all go and just BE in the moment and good things will find you.” It was as though it was a welcome “home”.

The Fire Continues......

June 29^th

So, here is the update of the Utah fires.

That initial fire I wrote about is actually STILL burning, however, has traveled about 30 miles or so east of us. At this point, it has burned about 50,000 acres – luckily, none of which are any of ours!

It seems to me to be an interesting approach towards the fires. With the wind blowing there is really no controlling it, rather there is more of an effort to direct it. It is just impossible to put out.

Just as we were breathing out an exhale about that fire, we noticed a lot of smoke coming from just south of Nephi (that is the nearest “city” about 5000). We were at the tractor store picking up parts for one of the tractors which was taking longer than we expected. So by the time we got back outside, it was actually raining ashes and there was a layer of smoke hovering over the city. The ashes were actually “piling up”. We even have to blow off the patio chairs before we sit down because of the ashes. Depending on the wind, it will just stink like a campfire so I have to figure out which way the wind is blowing before I can hang the laundry out to dry!

For the time being though, we are safe. We can still see that first fire billowing smoke from miles away and am grateful it moved AWAY from us. They opened the road back up to the ranch house. It had been closed for a week. We were able to bring the horses back out and they were so happy to get back out there in the pasture after having have spent the last week in town.  

June24th

This fire has been crazy.  It started yesterday and we were so close to it and at that point it was so small and had just started, we were on the brink of calling 911. We assumed someone already had and we were right as we watched the volunteer fire fighters speeding into town. It really did look like it could be contained at that point....as of now....it has burned over 10,000 acres so far and is still going.

Today we were at the park and the whole park area in town had become this search and rescue headquarters.  Hunter wanted to go and thank the fire fighters who were sitting at picnic tables taking a break.  He, of course, did not want to go alone so I went with him. And it was a good thing I did.

I started to tell them where our land was and how we had cattle and where they were. I asked if there was someway we could get more information about what they were observing, which direction they could see the fire going as they were up there where the rest of us could not go, etc. Once they realized where I was talking about, they all started talking and saying how they thought that road (the one to the ranch house) was already closed and I would have to talk to some other guy to see if it was even possible to get in and get the animals out!!

Come to find out was that they were telling me that they had already closed the road to the ranch house and we were not going to be able to get the horses and dogs.  I am like wide-eyed and freaking out and begging saying we have the trailer right there, we had moved all the farm equipment yesterday - we just need 15 minutes.  So, we go to the trailer, the official place, and are waiting to talk to the sheriff.  The sheriff comes out after this deputy told him my situation and he looks at me, and I am looking at him with tears and saying we will be in and out super fast, just gotta get in, get the animals, get out- and he says - while giving a slow nod, "Well, alright.....(and looks at me dead seriously) but you get in there and get what you need and then you get outta there."

The kids and I go tearing outta there.  I am hauling ass in the truck outta town to find Scott, who is not answering his phone because he is simultaneously coming down the road on a 4 wheeler.  He finally answers, I swing in to the shop area and we get the trailer hooked up and head over to load up the horses.  We get the horses loaded and get the dogs in the truck. 

So my Scott and Farmer Scott have to still go push the cattle down from where they were to get them into a smaller pasture farther away from the fire.  Scott tells me he should be about 30 minutes and I should just wait there in the truck and we will all head out together.  

As we are sitting there, there is just smoke billowing what looks like right over the mountain next to where we are.  I am kinda getting panicked thinking about those guys up there, the cattle not cooperating and this whole thing being a big mess.  I said to myself, "I am not leaving here without Scott!!" But was really starting to feel unsafe. And not to mention that the kids are scared as they are also watching the smoke coming our way.

It is starting to just get too close for comfort and I am thinking we are just going to have to haul ass outta there, the cattle will have to save themselves and the two Scott's are going to come flying down Water Hollow Road with there shirt tails on fire.  So, I start to load up the tack & throw the saddles in the back of the truck.  Good thing I have driven with my sister with her horse trainer because I was not too intimidated.  Even so, we were pulling out and just going to get out onto the dirt road so if we needed to we could jet outta there.

I see all the cattle coming down the road and get outta the truck and start running a quarter mile back up the road to help.  All the cattle get into the lower pasture and we start moving the horses into town.

We are just sitting here watching the flames, which in the paper said there were about 100 feet in some places and those places are only about 10-15 miles from us.  The wind just shifts it and the fire just turns.  It was stated in the paper that the fire was climbing up the mountain

and the wind was blowing it down.  And there is not just one fire.  They are all over.  Every once in awhile we can see this terrible black some from someones little cabin or trailer up there.  

Scott slept upstairs last night to get up every few hours to see where it was moving.  The sky was just aglow with all the fires last night and it was really scary and rather creepy.  The kids were freaked out both yesterday and today.  Katie said she wished she was never born (such a "I am going to be 9 soon" thing to say") and Hunter was in a panic about needing to have Scott with us.  I actually had to get him into the front seat and hold him to calm him down and reassure him everything was going to be fine and we are just getting prepared “just in case”.

I really could not freak out myself, although there was one point where I thought I might start crying because it was all very intense.  But I was good. I even got out of the car when I called Scott and was telling him what I could see from the cabin at that point was looking really terrible for us.  

Ben just sat there and ate all his tic tacs!  

This area has had no measurable rain in the last 2 months and it is dry here anyway. When this thing started, it just went.

We just looked at weather for tomorrow.....40 mile an hour winds.  Not good. Last night it looked rather contained.  We could see fire lines and it looked like it was getting under control.  And then morning rolled around and the wind starts blowing and it is out of control again.  just read in the paper that the fire was 4% contained.  The wind is pretty minimal now, but does not sound like tomorrow will be favorable.

This afternoon the whole city turned into a circus.  People are pulled over on the road taking pictures.  The park is now pretty much taken over by all these fire fighters, DNR guys, the Power Co, etc.  The media was everywhere and were interviewing people.  Stores that were normally closed on Sunday were open serving food.  Helicopters are flying over the fire dropping water.  There were also about 4-5 other planes flying over dumping fire retardant over certain areas.

It's like being in a bizarre and crazy Steven King novel. 

I am not sure what else I can say except I guess we will have to wait and see.

These are Katie's words....

Well, the trip in the camper started out as usual. We got here and it started out with a hummingbird on my finger. Then everything started happening....we feed the dogs everyday and water the garden. Then Poppa Joe and Bubbie and Ezell got here. And two other folks that I did not know. I did not know why they were here. Then we went to the little cabin and there was a big surprise waiting. I could not believe my eyes. It was a horse!!!!!

I was so excited I was quivering! I was excited, so excited, that I did not know what to say! His name is Snorty. His real name is Snicker Chicks. He is a Paint. He has one white streak on his rump. Under his mane he has another white spot. One leg is half white and the other is a quarter white. His nose is like velvet. His breath smells great. He has eyes like a tiger which are really pretty. I love him.

Snorty is very sweet. Sometimes I think he can be stubborn. I think he misses his old home but he is in love with the other horse on the ranch, Cody. They are both boys. Cody is also a Paint. He loves Mom. Cody is brown and white with a dread lock braid.

Snorty is the best horse I have ever had!!!!

Riding ~ Snorty can be sometimes hard to ride because he can be hard to steer. But I think it might just be me because I am just learning. Some of you know that I took lessons on a whole different horse. Snorty is MUCH easier to ride than Fanny was back in WI. Snorty was so hot after we rode him that we had to hose him off. He did not know quite know what to think about it. Then he loved it! After we were finished, he rolled and we all laughed!

I am having great fun and am so glad that I moved out here. I am excited for our new house.

One of our cats is maybe pregnant. Her name is Scardy Cat. We have another cat named Cookie. He is the sweetest cat you could ever get. We have another cat that's name is Coco. She lives over on the other side of the road in the hay bales. We have another cat it's name is Grease, but have not seen it in a long time.

We have two new dogs that just showed up in the Spring. We did not name them and I was sad I did not get to. The guy that works for us and his son named them Shep and Blackie. They are the best pair! Utah, our dog, is having so much fun running around the cabin. Sweetheart, our cat, has a dirty beard already. She is so happy to be here in Utah.

Today we went up Log Canyon, the Canyon behind the cabin. When we got up to the top, when we were about to go down, we all found a rock and made a wish on it. Then we piled them up on a bigger rock and left them there. I cannot tell you my wish or it will not come true! On the way down, we were last. So we could stop and look at things or we could keep going. We saw a trail and stopped. Mom and I climbed up it. We did not get to the top because it was way too steep. We had to slide down on our butts. It was fun.

We ended the day with a good supper in the Dutch Oven. And that is all I will tell you for a little while.

Except that Poppa Joe is the Unofficial Target Shooting Champion – he told to say that! But he did beat dad.

June 11, 2012

Settling In

I suppose this is still our normal as we have spent our last two summers out here so we have just fallen right back into that same routine we have had the past couple of years.

The dog lets herself out in the morning out the back door where the screen does not latch properly and she is roaming around most of the day. The cat we hardly see, but she checks in every so often. The kids disappear into the forest and come back when they are hungry (and rather dusty) and all is well.

For the majority of the last two days, we have worked on getting the garden in. It's pretty big! And I really know nothing about gardening and planting and thinning and all that, but figure Ma & Pa Ingalls could do it without any Utube videos so so should we!!!! But honestly, I am holding the cut up potato wondering if the growing eyes point up or down. So, I did a little of both and laid the rest on their sides!

The kids and I picked A LOT of rocks out of that area while Scott was rototilling. Now, let me just say that he said he was going to rototill the garden and was going to borrow someone's “machine”, I took that as a regular rototiller, like the ones you would use in your backyard. Oh no! Scott shows up with the rototiller on a trailer!! It was THAT big. 4 giant tractor tires. The works. Of course, there was some trick to getting it running so he actually had to drive it out to the garden while it was running. By the time I got there, it had quit. Scott's solution was for me to hop in this other tractor, pull the rototiller tractor and then it would get started. So, after a little Tractor 101 on my part, it actually worked and Scott finished rototilling the whole garden. If you know Scott, you will know that THAT was just not going to be good enough, with all the bumps and lumps of dirt, uneven ground, etc. So the next thing I know, he's in the other tractor with some sort of metal dragging unit behind riding around in circles to smooth out the garden area.

It's a lovely space.

I hope SOMETHING comes up that we can eat!!

June 10, 2012

Our trip out

Our trip out went really well! We decided to take a different route this year so we headed up to I90 instead of taking I80 like we always do. We did not get too far that first night because we left rather late, had to stop and get gas right away and then realized it was already time for dinner. That was in Lake Mills!! But that first night, we did get out of state.

The next night we decided to stay in a hotel. It was, well...how can I say this.....quite original. The gentleman who checked us in was featured in the brochure wearing a hot pink fluesent swimsuit sitting by the hot tub. Some rooms only had hot tubs and no showers....yuck! There were actually more cattle in this county than people! Anyway, we were glad we stayed because a huge storm rolled through, even knocked the power out, we were grateful we were not in the camper. And glad to not listen to the cat meowing all night!

The next day we headed to the western part of South Dakota. We drove along the eastern part of the Custer State Park. Although there were other routes we wanted to take, the camper limited us because there were several tunnels and the camper would not make it so we would have gone a rather round-a-bout way and we did not want to go that far out of our way.

We entered the state park area hoping to see the bison that lived there. Boy, did we see bison. Hundreds of them!! And pretty close to the camper too!

There were also burros and they came right up to the camper window. Utah jumped up onto Scott's lap and they all made friends. Katie even fed one an apple and it practically stuck its head through the window!

We slept that night in Rock Springs, WY. We have actually stayed there at least one other time so we were like regulars in the Walmart parking lot!! HEY! When you are only pulling off the road to sleep a few hours, why pay to stay at a campground when Walmart is free?

We arrived on Saturday afternoon.

We let the cat out and within 15 minutes had already caught a mouse (which she so wonderfully brought back to place in her food bowl and eat it out of there!) We spent the rest of the day over at the ranch house playing with the new dogs that showed up outta nowhere. But they are border collies, super cute and friendly and love us.

We came home, had a quick supper & shower and then all went to bed pretty early.

When I tucked in Katie and she told me what her favorite part of the day was....it was getting to Utah!

June 7, 2012

So, it's official. We are moving to Utah.

Of course, it is something we had considered doing for a long time, however, were never quite that brave, held that much courage within us, to make such a move; a move across the country, creating a physical distance between our friends and family, stepping out in to the unknown and away from the everyday familiar.

I am much more a creature of habit than my husband. I am much more the kind of person who goes along the thinking of - you go to college, get a good enough job with good enough insurance, get a good enough paycheck, live in a good enough house, drive a good enough car, and so forth. But eventually (and hopefully) we all get to a point where we have to realize that life is pretty short and good enough is unacceptable. As well as rather boring.

Of course, we are happy. Our kids our happy. Our marriage is solid. And yet there is a calling to us to change our normal, to open ourselves to the potential of something different and all the gifts that lie in waiting for us, to dig in to something unfamiliar, something new.

A friend of mine recently emailed me a quote. It read: “Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.”

I do not believe we can truly live until we live out loud. I do not believe we can deepen our soul until we step out and put into question what defines who we think we are. Who are you without your job? Without the role you play in the organizations you participate in? Who are you when all is stripped away and you stand before the energies of the universe? Will you ever be in your death bed, with your last breath just around the corner, grateful about all the chances you let slip away and relived about all the risks you didn't take? Or perhaps it might be the other way around.

If you were to shed one tear, one single tear, on your death bed, what would be within that tear? Would the universe within that tear be full of the joy you received because of the risks you did take, because of the love you gave even when it left you vulnerable, full of the wonder that comes from taking a risk and the rewards that follow? Or maybe that tear is full of all the regrets you have because you did not take those risks, you stayed close to the trunk of the tree instead of getting out there on that skinny branch, and that one tear is from the sadness from what “might have been.”

I know what is going to be in the last tear I shed. It will be gratitude. It will be a tear filled with the last little but of love I have to give because, at that point, I will be all out. I will be all used up and worn out in a way that mattered to me and to the ones I love.

I would rather be ashes than dust.

I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze

than it should be stifled by dry-rot.

I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow,

than a sleepy and permanent planet.

The function of man is to live, not to exist.

I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them.

I shall use my time.

~Jack London